What Is Compersion and Why Is It Important in ENM Relationships?

This is Part 2 of our Compersion blog series - read Part 1 here...

Compersion is a concept unique to ENM relationships, though the emotional roots of it can apply to any form of love. At its core, compersion is the joy we feel when our partner finds happiness or fulfilment, even if that happiness comes from a relationship or connection outside of our own. It’s often seen as the antidote to jealousy, but it's not simply about suppressing jealousy—it's about reframing how we understand and respond to our partners’ experiences.

In monogamous relationships, the idea that we should be everything to our partner is often baked into the dynamic. We’re taught that love equals exclusivity, and anything outside of that can feel like a threat. In ENM relationships, however, compersion encourages us to rethink this exclusivity. Instead of feeling diminished by our partner’s connections with others, compersion invites us to celebrate their joy, growth, and fulfilment.

Imagine the feeling of watching your best friend achieve something they've worked hard for. You might not directly benefit from their achievement, but you still feel joy for them because their happiness matters to you. Compersion works similarly, except it applies to romantic relationships. Instead of seeing your partner's joy with someone else as a loss or a threat, compersion allows you to feel joy because they are happy.

But embracing compersion isn’t always easy. Many of us have been conditioned to feel possessive of our romantic partners, and jealousy can be a very real, visceral emotion. It’s important to remember that compersion doesn’t mean the absence of jealousy, nor does it invalidate feelings of insecurity. Instead, it offers a new framework for understanding those feelings and finding peace within them.

For those in ENM relationships, compersion becomes a tool for deepening emotional bonds, fostering empathy, and creating more expansive, connected relationships. It’s a reminder that love is not a zero-sum game, and that when our partners experience joy, we can share in that joy, too.

Next, we'll dive into a personal story from one of my clients (shared with permission) to illustrate what compersion looks like in practice and how it can transform a relationship.